What's Wrong With Sex?

Questioning sex isn't new, but those voices aren't always heard or taken notice of in our sex-centered society.

 

Sex is an addiction, so much so that there is therapy for those addicted to it. Lust and sex undermine human values such as modesty and civilized behavior. Sex is in fact, impossible without compromising those values, which is why deep down, many know it is questionable. Sex is a taboo subject in societies all around the world, and people are uncomfortable and feel guilty talking about it. This is the case, in spite of people being brainwashed by culture into normalizing sex and many defending it as "beautiful", along with other justifications. The "dirtiest" words in any language actually mean sex and the strongest insults in any language suggest the person being insulted engaging in sexual activity. Sexual thoughts are called "dirty thoughts". Not engaging in sex or having sexual thoughts is called being "pure", which implies that sex is impure. Many people do not want to dwell on the idea that their parents or children have sex. In the bestselling novel, The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, Soraya's father never asks about possible grandchildren because he cannot bear to think of her engaging in sexual activity even after she is married and thereby, would do so in a culturally accepted way:

The general, ever the Pashtun, never made any queries [about grandchildren]--doing so meant alluding to a sexual act between his daughter and a man, even if the man in question had been married to her for over four years.

Many euphemisms are in place to discuss sex such as "make love" and "sleep with". People are so desensitized to it that they rarely pause to think what sex really is. The bestselling writer, Stephen King, has written the following in his novel, The Tommyknockers:

...if The Hussy enjoyed the animalism of sexual congress, with its gruntings and thrustings and that final squirt of sticky stuff that smelled faintly like codfish and looked like cheap dish detergent, then it only proved The Hussy was little more than an animal herself. 

This brings to mind Rabbi Yehuda Koves in Dan Brown's novel, Origin, who muses about the animalism of people:

Koves always found it ironic that humans, despite being God's most sublime creation, were still just animals at the core, their behavior driven to a great extent by a quest for creature comforts...Koves spent much of his time counseling those who overindulged in the animal temptations of the body—primarily food and sex.

Just as social/legal restrictions and controversy surround meat-eating, differing according to culture and heavily debated on (eating dogs is wrong in Western societies while it is accepted in some Eastern cultures, while eating cows is accepted in Western societies when it is unacceptable in Indian societies), the same situation exists for sex. These do not just vary by culture, but also by individuals. Some people consider premarital sex wrong while others are fine with it, some condemn gay sex while others embrace it. Very few people bother to delve into the root of the fuss, the paradoxes and the problems ensuing from these practices: that these behaviors are intrinsically inappropriate for civilized, moralizing beings, and that they are contradictory to our inherent human values of modesty, civilized behavior, goodness and virtue. In the case of sex, its controversies, and the problems it causes (superficial relationships obsessing on sex, addiction, overpopulation, violent crime and more) all have a root culprit: lust. Many religions and philosophies actually highlight lust as a vice, which is why spiritual people embrace celibacy, and it is strictly enforced among priests and monks.

People inherently view those who are chaste as sweet, innocent and virtuous, while those who are promiscuous are seen as those with loose morals. Sex has long since been associated with violence and corruption, just as eating meat and animal products is associated with obesity and unhealthiness (though paradoxically, both are still being normalized in society). In fact, lust is a negative, damaging force, similar to anger, hate and aggression; hence, the association with violence. As mentioned in the article "Understanding the Suicide Bomber" by Noam Shpancer Ph.D. on Psychology Today:

As the British philosopher Jonathan Glover has noted, our species' fascination and preoccupation with inflicting brutality on itself, the sheer innovative effort dedicated to the task, and the visceral thrill of it are akin in their intensity to the human preoccupation with sex.

In Season 3 of the mainstream TV show, Supernatural, Dean and Sam discover that a girl they met, Nancy, is virgin and voluntarily celibate, which makes Dean describe her as a "nice, sweet innocent girl who hasn't even been laid!". In the book, A Case of Need by Michael Crichton, the following exchange takes place about a college girl who has gotten pregnant and seeking an abortion:

Dr. Randall:

My daughter is a wonderful girl. She is sweet and

beautiful. She doesn't have a malicious or dirty

thought in her head...

Dr. Berry:

If she was so sweet and pure, how did she get pregnant?

In Dan Brown's book, Angels & Demons (spoiler alert), the Pope falls in love with a nun and has a child with her via insemination so that he never breaks his vows of celibacy. His deeply pious child, learning that the Pope has fathered a child in secret, is horrified, thinking that the Pope has had sex and thereby, sinned. He murders the Pope only to learn later of the platonic love between his parents:

"But he fathered a child! He broke his sacred vow of celibacy!” The camerlegno was screaming now...“The Pope broke his vow!”

Mortati looked delirious with angst. “Carlo, his love… was chaste. He had broken no vow. He didn’t explain it to you?”...Slowly, sadly, Mortati let the tale unfold. 

Many years ago, the Pope, when he was still just a priest, had fallen in love with a young nun. Both of them had taken vows of celibacy and never even considered breaking their covenant with God. Still, as they fell deeper in love, although they could resist the temptations of the flesh, they both found themselves longing for something they never expected—to participate in God’s ultimate miracle of creation—a child. Their child. The yearning, especially in her, became overwhelming. Still, God came first. A year later, when the frustration had reached almost unbearable proportions, she came to him in a whirl of excitement. She had just read an article about a new miracle of science—a process by which two people, without ever having sexual relations, could have a child. She sensed this was a sign from God. The priest could see the happiness in her eyes and agreed. A year later she had a child through the miracle of artificial insemination…

Mortati now had tears in his eyes. “Carlo, this is why His Holiness has always had an affection for the sciences. He felt he owed a debt to science. Science let him experience the joys of fatherhood without breaking his vow of celibacy. His Holiness told me he had no regrets except one—that his advancing stature in the church prohibited him from being with the woman he loved and seeing his infant grow up.”

“The Pope committed no sin, Carlo. He was chaste.”

In the fifth book in the series, Origin, the king of Spain and a pious bishop share a deep love for many years, which would have been seen as doubly sinful except for the fact that it was platonic. The bishop describes it as follows to the king's son:

When I became aware of my "inclination", as they called it back then, I was despondent; I was unsure how to proceed with my own life. A nun saved me. She showed me that the Bible celebrates all kinds of love, with one caveat—the love must be spiritual and not carnal. And so, by taking a vow of celibacy, I was able to love your father deeply while remaining pure in the eyes of my God. Our love was entirely platonic, and yet deeply fulfilling.

It is notable that this excerpt talks of platonic love enabling one to remain pure in the eyes of God which points to the idea that sex makes one impure. The last line here alludes to the common perception in society that it is sex that makes a relationship "fulfilling" when love should be the most important element in a relationship (more on that further down).

In the Japanese manga/anime series, Naruto, a young child named Sarada asks her mother Sakura about kissing her father, Sasuke. The Naruto wiki describes the incident as follows:

Out of curiosity, Sarada then asked Sakura if she and Sasuke had ever kissed. Blushing, Sakura giggles, and states that Sarada made her remember something even better than a kiss. Misunderstanding it as something else Sarada calls her mother 'dirty'. When asked again by Sarada what was better than a kiss, Sakura softly pokes Sarada's forehead, and promises 

she'll tell her "next time."

By "something better than a kiss", Sakura actually refers to a gesture of affection unique to her husband; poking the forehead playfully. Sarada, who has only been with her father as a toddler, does not know this (she experiences it herself later in the story when she meets him) and thinks her mother is referring to a sexual act, which prompts her to call Sakura "dirty". It is noteworthy that young Sarada does not consider a kiss "dirty". Also, the fact that her parents are married is irrelevant to her when she deemed sex as "dirty".

Time released an article on how people overcome the disgusting nature of sex :

If you think about it, sex is actually sort of disgusting, what with all the sweat, saliva, fluids and smells. So much so that a group of researchers from the Netherlands got to thinking, How do people enjoy sex at all? According to their small new study, people — at least women — may be able to get over the “ick” factor associated with sex by getting turned on. Sexual arousal overrides the natural disgust response, the researchers found, and allows women to willingly engage in behaviors that they might normally find repugnant.

It would be blasphemy to even dwell on the idea of Virgin Mary or Jesus Christ not being virgin. If sex was good and beautiful, why indeed this contradiction?

These are the ones who have not been defiled with women, 
for they have kept themselves chaste 

These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes  

-Revelation 14:4

The meaning of the Bible verse above in basic English: these are they who have not made themselves unclean with women; for they are virgins. These are they who go after the Lamb wherever he goes. In fact, in the Bible, Eden was a vegan, celibate paradise devoid of violence and lust. Lust is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. In Buddhism, raga (lust), along with dvesha (hate) and moha (delusion), are the three poisons or unwholesome roots (Sanskrit: akuśala-mūla). Through meditation and developing one's mind, all Buddhists are encouraged to overcome these "poisons". The following verse can be found in the Dhammapada (collection of sayings of the Buddha in verse form and one of the most widely read and best known Buddhist scriptures):

There is no fire like lust, no grip like hate, 

There is no net like delusion, no river like craving.

Buddhist monks meditating

For Buddhist monks, sexual activity is an unforgivable transgression, and if found to engage in it, must stop being a monk, give up the robe and leave the temple/monastery. Even in Hindu and Jain monastic traditions, brahmacharya, or celibacy, is mandatory and considered necessary for a monk's spiritual practice.

People attempt to pass off sex as love and it is made to seem synonymous with romance, when lust is a whole different element. Lust is a primeval instinct to make people engage in an activity for the purpose of reproduction that they would otherwise consider pointless and disgusting  (nowadays, in most cases, sex has lost its purpose altogether and has become a tool for mindless pleasure-seeking). Sex is so normalized as an essential part of life that people fail to realize that there are civilized ways to deposit sperm in a uterus without an animalistic carnal ritual of rubbing private parts in the nude. Procreation is used as an excuse to support sexual activity when people engage in it just for pleasure; the same as how "survival" is used as an excuse for meat-eating when it is in fact also done for pleasure.

This is extracted from The Asexual Visibility & Education Network about impregnation without resorting to sex.

This is an excerpt from Mask of Celibacy by Carolyn Hill, which is about an asexual heteroromantic character.

Unlike lust, love stems from caring and giving, and develops through emotional, psychological and intellectual bonding with a person. Children are protected from seeing or knowing about sex, which is why children's books and movies do not contain it, while love and romance are celebrated in children's fairy tales. It is surprising that people do not seem to realize that love and romance can exist without sex, and this is called "platonic love".

The top definition of "platonic love" on Urban Dictionary.

Plato defined "Vulgar Eros" or earthly love and "Divine Eros" or divine love. Vulgar Eros is nothing but mere material attraction towards a beautiful body for physical pleasure and reproduction, while Divine Eros is what came to be known today as "platonic love". One of the most prominent newspapers in the island country of Sri Lanka published an interesting article on platonic love in 2010, an excerpt from which is indicated below:

Can we draw a line between love and sex? Here's some food for thought. Some time ago, when reading was a regular pastime, the chief clerk of a government department went to buy a book for his teenage daughter's birthday. After browsing through many books, he finally decided to buy a particular book. When the salesman approached him, the customer asked him timidly, "No sex in it, I hope". He bought the book only when the salesman replied, "No Sir, it's a love story." According to this episode, love is different from sex.

In the second installment of the Kingkiller Chronicle: The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss, the protagonist comes across a culture with a distinct ideology about sex which has normalized it to the point where everyone is openly promiscuous and engage in casual sex, even teachers with their students. Learning about this, the protagonist asks the following and receives his answer:

"But what of romance then?" I asked, slightly indignant. "What of love?"

"...There is a great deal of difference between a penis and a heart."

The above demonstrates that both parties in this conversation have made a distinction between love, romance and lust.

The greatest classical love poems ever written, The White Rose by John Boyle O'Reilly (1844 - 1890), draws a contrast between love and lust, and highlights the importance of love which is symbolized by the white rose:

The red rose whispers of passion, 

And the white rose breathes of love; 

O, the red rose is a falcon, 

And the white rose is a dove.

The pristine white rose standing for purity and love, is the traditional wedding flower, and also the flower of romance in days of old before being replaced with the ubiquitous red. Virgin Mary is in fact, known as the White Rose.

The "White Rose", Virgin Mary

Yet, many relationships function with a "sex life" (it is important to note that we do not speak of "kiss life" or "hug life", but a whole "life" revolving around this one act) and if this one act is out of the equation or not performed adequately, it is enough to abandon a person; in which case, sex is the determinant of someone's worth, over their personality, love and companionship, and it is the core of the relationship rather than love. In fact, the height of the relationship is regarded as not love, but sex: "taking the relationship to the next level", "consummation" (the definition of "consummate" is to make marriage "complete" with sex, as if without this one act, it is incomplete) etc. Lust is thereby a threat to meaningful relationships.

In fact, after carnism, society's obsession with sex is the next greatest root cause of problems in the world, one of the most damaging being overpopulation. People cannot control themselves and fall victim to unsustainable reproduction; if animals did this, our current governments will have "culling" programs for them. In fact, despite the availability of highly effective contraceptives, about half of pregnancies in the US for one, are unintended. Disease runs rampant, such as AIDS and other STDs. Sex-related crime and violence plague society; from rape (250,000 reported rapes per year according to the UN when rape is also a severely under-reported crime) and harassment to sex trafficking and murder. Unwanted children born to poverty or abandoned are the waste products of prostitution and lust, while other babies die in abortions. Billions of dollars of funds are spent on birth control for an unnecessary act of sensual gratification people are addicted to, which could otherwise be used for our progress as humankind and address pressing survival needs of people such as nutrition, healthcare, sanitation, homes, infrastructure and more. Birth control even causes environmental damage. Yet birth control is something that keeps society from spiraling even more out of control.

The contraceptive industry is booming, using up resources to sell products for people to engage in this mindless activity, while some even consider abortion to be a birth control method. Some people cannot comprehend living without sex to the point that they do not want to take responsibility for resulting pregnancies: as if those are accidents the same as slipping and falling while walking, rather than a consequence of a voluntary act of pleasure. Some individuals in this sex-obsessed world consider sex to be as essential to our lives as food and water, which may be why they cannot "give up" sex but can give up loving partners if they do not provide a good "sex life". No one however, addresses the root of the problem or takes measures to stop the glorification of sex in media, to show people life without sex is possible, to bring down the porn industry feeding people's perverse addictions or to encourage celibacy. Porn is messing up young generations with children getting exposed to it at young ages, while porn/sex addictions can ruin a person's entire life. Sexual objectification and harassment, especially of women, are also pressing problems where the root cause is lust and sex-obsession.

The hedonistic abandon and lustful corruption depicted on the center panel of 
The Garden of Earthly Delights by Hieronymus Bosch 
(The last panel of the full painting displays the result of this behavior: death and destruction)

When it comes to children, who are yet to be brainwashed by society, there is the "birds and the bees" tradition in Western societies, which is basically, parents telling their children about sex for the first time. Many parents dread it and during this talk, they find themselves feeling guilty, embarrassed and flustered. Children too, react with shock and disgust, except for children who have been exposed to sex and porn at a young age. In some societies, parents do not tell their children about sex at all and leave them to find out for themselves. This goes to show further that the moralizing beings living in civilization that we are, we intrinsically perceive sex as wrong and disgusting. When it comes to meat-eating (carnism), children are indoctrinated to it from infancy and kept protected from the ugly reality of slaughtering animals until they disconnect the horror from the meat on their plate. With sex, children are protected from it until they are indoctrinated through the "birds and the bees" talk or until exposed to the pornification of society. The popular actress, Amanda Seyfried, has said the following in an interview regarding her role in the movie, Lovelace, in which she went nude and enacted sex scenes:

To be honest, when I was younger, I was terrified of sex. I don’t know what happened over the years.

Sometimes, children display perverted behavior as a result of exposure to pornified media and sex. An example of this is a post on the MedHelp community by a mother who has witnessed sexual behavior between her 7-year-old daughter and 8-year-old nephew, excerpts of which are below:

...after discussion I had learned that my nephew had been touched by his older brother and a friend before he came to live with us. He had also mentioned that he has watched movies with sexual scenes in it before he moved with us as well.

There may have been a time where she [daughter] has seen something on the television...for example, she would be sleeping in her room while my husband and I would be watching a movie where there happens to be a sex scene and she just so happened to walk into the living room to ask for something and seen the TV...

...the one time I had caught her [daughter] humping a pillow and I had asked her where she learned that from and she said me and my husband. Please understand that she has a tendency to walk into my room half asleep to crawl into bed with us. She had probably tried to do this but we were obviously in the middle of something [sex].

In this pornified world, incidents like the above are scarily frequent, and could have been avoided if people were less obsessed with sex and behaved more like civilized beings. Not only do parents in today's society act like confused hypocrites and give children a contradictory message regarding carnism; that it's wrong to hurt animals but OK to eat them, they also act similarly with sex; that sex is wrong and OK at the same time (sometimes it is the fine line that is a marriage certificate, or in other words, a piece of paper, that is supposed to separate one from the other). One minute, parents reprimand a child for simply watching sex on a screen while the next, they are enacting it secretly in the bedroom. Some are so scared of their children being exposed to sex that dating in general and even romantic gestures are frowned on, which is common in many conservative societies; on a forum discussing this, one comment says, "the whole notion of "honor" has little meaning if people do dishonorable things when in secret". Amidst these ironies and hypocrisies, one is led to wonder when the day comes when parents act less like flustered double-faced closet perverts in front of their children, and actually look them in the eye, be honest and act as an example for them with no ugliness to hide; by walking the peace, love and purity talk.

So sex and lust do not just cause obvious problems in society such as overpopulation and rape; a fact further conveyed by an article published by BBC News, which brought out the fact that one out of ten women in the UK find sex painful. Globally, that would mean hundreds of millions of women who suffer while undergoing what would be seen as consensual sex as opposed to rape. The article discusses how there are many physiological and psychological factors contributing to women finding sex painful or not wanting it, and it is as if either way, it cannot be allowed and has to be fixed at all costs so that the whole population goes on having sex, which is the predictable message one can expect of a mainstream media outlet catering to today's sex-crazed society. In fact, the article does not even consider that not having sex is an option, and it makes out one's choice to not engage in sex as an abnormality that has to be treated. It's almost as if sex is required by law and we all have to "treat" ourselves and conform. BBC News has shared this article on their Facebook page, and the comments there reveal something more: many women do not want to admit that sex is painful or that they don't want it since they cannot even comprehend the possibility of a relationship without sex and deeply fear rejection.

Comments on the BBC News article on how one out of ten women find sex painful

The comments on the article that was shared on the BBC News Facebook page, a sample of which is displayed above, bring to light a disturbing situation of people being forced to have sex; not outright rape, but subtle coercion. A partner's worth is measured in their ability to have sex, so that instead of love, lust is the decisive core of the relationship. Many people, especially women, find themselves in a position where they are taken advantage of sexually or suffering silently due to being pressured into performing sexual acts, even within what may be seen as happy relationships or marriages. A large number of abstinent people go through pressure to have sex when that is a matter of waiting till marriage. Asexual people can hardly think of being in a relationship because of society's obsession with sex. Some asexuals who are in relationships are also afraid to admit they don't want sex and are often pressured into engaging in it to please their partners. Lust is a huge cause of superficial, unhealthy and broken relationships. However, there are small groups of people who are not afraid to speak up about what is wrong with sex; which can be seen in the comments on the BBC News article as well. These people are hidden in society since mainstream media glorifies sex, uses it to make money and portrays sex as a given, while the culturally conditioned public attempts to silence those who speak up by calling them crazy or "extreme" just for questioning a social norm. In fact, there is a vocal vegan celibate group on Facebook, as well as an Internet radio show/podcast series called Celibate Vegan Voices, which is run by two celibate vegans, Monique Lukens and Chandler Klebs. The show is dedicated to educating the public about the ethics and benefits of a celibate and vegan life.

The Internet radio show/podcast series, Celibate Vegan Voices, 

by celibate vegans, Monique Lukens and Chandler Klebs

In the Facebook group, Celibacy, which has almost 5000 members, people share their stories and support each other on their celibate journey; one post says the following:

I wanted a little advice and didn't exactly know where should i turn to. So maybe this is the right place :) Anyway, few years ago i quit smoking, after that i stopped drinking and became vegan. Finally, i gave up sex as well. It was never pleasurable enough, so i was always looking for new and perverted experiences. Long story short, living without all these addictions, has been very liberating. 

On the same group, the following are the responses to a post asking what the reasons are for choosing celibacy. It is noteworthy that most of the celibates here happen to be vegans as well.

Responses to a post on the Facebook group, Celibacy, asking the reasons for choosing celibacy

Responses to a poll on the Facebook group, Celibacy, revealing members' religious beliefs (or lack thereof) and whether they are vegans

Another celibate vegan speaking up on Youtube in this video titled, How Systematic Celibacy and A Raw Vegan Lifestyle Saved Me:

As with the many excuses presented when people confront veganism, we can see a similar response when people confront the idea of celibacy. Hence, the Celibate Sidekick page on Facebook, made similar to the famous Vegan Sidekick.

For ourselves, for others, for the world, we need to cultivate purity and live celibate. To keep our minds in check, we have powerful tools such as meditation and once we get over our addiction to sex, the craving for it dissipates (just like cravings for meat). We adapt with time. The Guardian article titled, "life without sex - it's better than you think" writes:

Arguably, sex is an addiction. Break the cycle and, over time, the physical and psychological "need" for sex lessens – you can do without it, hard as that may be to believe. Yes, you still think about it, but over time those thoughts lose their power.

People fail to realize that it's all about our perception and resolve. and if we break through the social ideology surrounding sex, there's a whole world out there. For those who have not been addicted to sex in the first place, living celibate is easier. The same can be said about carnism; those who have not been addicted and indoctrinated into it in the first place, living vegan is easy, because that's what they've always known and the alternative is unthinkable. Some people also consider porn to be a fact of life and that it is inevitable that young people watch it, but porn is only easily accessible now due to technological advancement and internet, and humankind once lived without porn movies. As the psychologist, Dr. Melanie Joy says, we all have both light seeds and dark seeds in us, but we just have to choose to water the light ones. Millions of people practice abstinence since it is built into whole societies in various countries around the world, and thousands and thousands of people choose to live celibate though they are hidden in society, while others choose to be monks and priests who don't just vow to live celibate but relinquish a lot of material comforts. People often take spiritual people being celibate for granted, but we need to remember that priests and monks are also humans like us, and they voluntarily choose to live that way when they could very well choose otherwise. People often look at young people as sex-crazed, pleasure-seeking creatures who can never be convinced to live celibate or make responsible choices. Yet, a majority of people who have gone vegan and heading the vegan movement are young people, and there are many young people who choose to live celibate or even become priests and monks right after high school or college when they could have lived on in all the material comforts in the world and worked for a successful career.

Responses to the video on being virgin on the vegan Youtube channel, Fully Raw Kristina.

In some cultures where abstinence is the accepted way of life, a lot of people who do not get married are celibate for life; in other words, they are virgins. If so many can make choices like that in a world like this, so can we all live with morality and decency.

Wise words from the Facebook group, Celibacy.

That is the least we can do and we have so much strength and potential in us to make it happen. A lot of us live privileged lives and when we have so much to be happy about, why chase after harmful addictions such as smoking, meat and sex? Living vegan and celibate does not mean self-deprivation, but living a joyful fulfilling life, following our dreams, being with loved ones, listening to our favorite music while not compromising our core values of goodness, decency and kindness.

We need to connect with those values and learn to respect ourselves, as well as others by not behaving like wild animals, and not engaging in acts that are unnecessary and highly inappropriate for civilized, moralizing beings. We will then have long-lasting, meaningful relationships, live with integrity and create a better world for the future.

The Mentality Behind Our Sex-Obsessed, Pornified World

The moment you say that eating meat is bad,  there's always an army of carnists who regard that as a personal attack (there's always that guilt) and go out of their way to say how you are being judgmental and that eating meat is normal, healthy and delicious. They might in fact go on to insult you by saying that you are crazy.

If you were to say that sex is bad, the reaction would be the same (replace the word "delicious" with "beautiful"). As with the many excuses presented when people confront veganism, we can see a similar response when people confront the idea of celibacy. Hence, the Celibate Sidekick page on Facebook, made similar to the famous Vegan Sidekick. Now don't get me wrong, I would consider the situation with animals a lot worse since trillions of animals are actually murdered every year for human consumption alone, but the parallels are quite interesting.

This reminds me of Dr. Melanie Joy's three Ns of justification. For those of you who do not know Dr. Melanie Joy, she is a Harvard-educated professor of psychology and sociology at the University of Massachusetts, Boston, and the author of Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs & Wear Cows. A short Tedx version of her speech on carnism (psychology of eating meat and animal products) is on Youtube:

Dr. Melanie Joy says that all of our justifications for eating animal products can be listed under three categories: "Normal", "Natural" and "Necessity", which she says are the three Ns of justification. I have come to see that these apply to other situations where people try to justify absurd practices.

All that people say in order to highlight how great sex and meat are fall under these categories. It is "normal" because people have been doing it forever and it is accepted widely in society, it is "natural" because animals do it in nature and it is a "necessity" because we have to reproduce or in the case of meat-eating, it has to be done to "survive".

When you take each category of justifications, those have no substance to us rational, moralizing human beings living in civilization.

1. "Normal": Just because something is the dominant practice or ideology, it does not become right. An example of that would be human slavery which was legal and considered normal for thousands of years around the world. A couple of hundred years ago, no one would even have thought it could be abolished, and yet, it has been done and we recognize human rights now.

Similarly, carnism or malzoism, might be the dominant ideology and practice now, but just like human slavery, it is violent and unjust. It is against human values of kindness and goodness.

When it comes to lust, it is not violent by itself, but it is a source of corruption (brothels and prostitution which in turn cause massive problems such as sex trafficking, unwanted impoverished children and the porn industry), could lead to violence (250,000 reported rapes per year according to the UN when rape is also a severely under-reported crime, sex trafficking and murder), causes destruction (unwanted children, overpopulation, disease, abortions) and is overall, a threat to society and our advancement as humankind. Sex is an addiction, so much so that there is therapy for those addicted to it. Lust and sex undermine human values such as modesty and civilized behavior. Sex is in fact, impossible without compromising those values, which is why deep down, many know it is questionable, so that sex is a taboo subject in societies all around the world, and people are uncomfortable and feel guilty talking about it, and certainly do not want children to be exposed to it (we see a similar situation with meat-eating; many people do not want to expose children to the reality of killing animals for meat, and often know deep down, that meat-eating is questionable).
Yet, sex is normalized as a "must" for everyone.

2. "Natural": Since animals do it in nature, and humans are also animals and have been doing it throughout history, sex and lust, just like meat-eating, are considered acceptable. There are many acts in nature that would be unacceptable in our current society, such as walking around naked, cannibalism, killing disabled and weak young and more. It is true that humans are animals, but we have long since stopped living in the wild. We live in civilization and we can no longer use the behavior of wild animals and Neanderthals as a yardstick to measure our current choices and behavior. We do not live by instinct (we suppress instincts that may urge us to hit others or rape someone), but by morality and reason. Just because something is "natural", does not make it right or acceptable for modern humans.

3. "Necessity": With meat-eating, it is considered necessary for survival when that cannot be farther from the truth, what with millions of vegans living fine all over the world, including vegan athletes. With sex, it is considered necessary for procreation, when that is also nothing but a myth. People can very easily deposit sperm in a uterus without an animalistic act of rubbing private parts. This is in fact commonly done, though it is most often not even considered as an option for a couple unless one has a physical disability or chooses to be a single parent with donated sperm. In fact, billions of farm animals are made to reproduce through insemination. Just as "survival" is nothing but an excuse when the real reason people eat copious amounts of meat is sensual gratification, "procreation" is nothing but an excuse when the real reason people have so much sex is also sensual gratification. The world is already overpopulated and could actually do with less "procreation". The contraceptive industry is booming, making full use of this state of the world. Meat-eating is also done due to habit and tradition; the same goes for sex. Both meat-eating and sex are taken for granted as part of a "normal" life, and opting to not engage in either is seen as "extreme" or strange, and part of an "ideology" or religion. And just as meat is addictive and is causing so many problems in the world, so is sex, highly addictive, and causing a staggering number of problems in the world.

If people were to get over their addiction to meat and sex, the world would be a remarkably safe, productive, beautiful place.

The "Judgment" Issue in the Criticism of Social Norms

Whether one is raising awareness on the negative impact of meat-eating or porn or whatever else that is a widely-normalized behavior, one is likely to run into the "judgment" issue, where people will say "don't judge me" or "you are judgmental" or will simply make one the "bad guy" for it. The "judgment" issue might manifest in accusations of not just being "judgmental", but intolerant, self-righteous, preachy, busybody or more. And the criticism, or a hint of criticism, depending on context, might result in totally unrelated accusations such as attack on culture, religion or more.

For example, criticism of using animals for entertainment and sport such as bullfighting, which is also a cultural practice, would be seen as an attack on culture, even though it is merely criticized for animal cruelty. If all else fails, people who engage in the activity that is questioned, immediately feel defensive at the mere suggestion it is questionable and will pull out the "personal choice" card to try and silence the person who dares to challenge that social norm.

"Judging" is considered wrong, but let us look at what it really means when people say that one should not "judge". In an article titled "Don't Judge Me": Where We Went Wrong on focusoncampus.org, the author writes the following:

"The fact of the matter is, we have to judge...it is part of our human nature as creatures formed in the image and likeness of God. And because we live in a world of right and wrong, of good and evil, of morals and values, we can’t help but form judgments about our own actions and the actions of others. It’s part of having a formed conscience and a working intellect...

As human beings, we can’t not judge actions as having a moral quality. The fact of the matter is, when someone says, “Don’t judge me,” they might as well be saying, “Stop being a properly functioning rational creature!” And who wants to do that? The problem (and this is a BIG problem) is that that’s exactly what’s happening in our present culture of tolerance and moral relativism.

We’re so afraid of offending anyone that we’re forgetting how to tell right from wrong. We’ve bought into the culture of “don’t judge me,” the lie that to form any opinion, positive or negative, about the actions of another, is wrong. While we are never called to condemn or hate another person, we cannot throw all sense of moral judgment out the window because we’re afraid of coming across as intolerant.

...The man who says “don’t judge me” has most likely already judged himself – he has already recognized, at some level, the iniquity of his actions."

As human beings, we live by forming judgments, often involuntarily, on a day-to-day basis; both positive and negative. Those who are our friends are people we have judged favorably while those we avoid are those we have judged negatively. Most often, the positive judgments are welcomed, but the negative ones are condemned. If we do not question, judge and criticize our behaviors and current social norms, how do we progress as humankind for a better world? If we never do that, we would still have human slavery and women will not have the right to vote.

Sexualization of Women's Clothing

Women's clothing has been sexualized more and more in recent years. In fact, we see it most in women's beachwear.

In some beachwear magazines, such as Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, the "swimsuits" worn by the model Kate Upton are hardly "swimsuits" at all, but can be mistaken for outfits belonging to a porn magazine (some being nothing but body paint). Many people have in fact, noted this: Twitter points out the lack of swimsuits in Kate Upton's "Sports Illustrated" covers, and they're right.

Regarding these "swimsuits", popular TV host, Jimmy Kimmel has asked: “Is that really a swimsuit that you’re wearing? Because it seems just like a hammock that got torn to bits.”

A few of Kate Upton's "swimsuits" on the covers of Sports Illustrated.

The bikini, which has become popular in recent times, and is getting skimpier and skimpier with the incorporation of strings and thongs, aimed at exhibiting nakedness than cover modesty, was in fact launched by a French man named Louis Réard. By now, it has become normalized in various societies and young girls go through peer pressure to wear it in spite of many finding it embarrassing and uncomfortable. A model on Ted Talks has spoken about how she had never worn a bikini before she was asked to wear one for a photoshoot. In fact, there is a beauty ideal known as the "bikini body", with many young women feeling insecure about their bodies and wanting to achieve the "bikini body" in order to appear attractive in society's eyes. Some women dread wearing modest swimwear since it might denote an idea of having a flawed body. Many have also pondered about how this outfit, which is akin to a woman's underwear set, is accepted in society, while wearing underwear in public is considered inappropriate.

Utilizing the unquestioning acceptance of the bikini in modern times, mass media has used bikinis to sexualize women and objectify them for profit. There are voyeuristic shots of bikini-clad women in movies, for example the Fast and Furious franchise. Women in skimpy bikinis are also found on many magazine covers. In beauty pageants, women are put in bikinis and high heels, and made to strut onstage in front of a male-majority panel of judges. This is degrading to women and highly anti-feminist.

Women parading half-naked at a beauty pageant

The popular page AJ+ released a video on Facebook about Hollywood's disturbing objectification and sexualization of women with bikinis and suggestive shots in movie posters

The trend is also seen widely in video games, anime and other media which now portray women as warriors or other roles traditionally associated with men, but objectify them in skimpy outfits that make no sense. Female warriors in games such as League of Legends would appear in ridiculous revealing outfits while males are clad in full armor (College Humor released a video satirizing this issue).

In response to a question on Quora about why men's beachwear is modest and women's are skimpy, an eloquent answer is given by a user:

Beachwear for men is designed for comfort; beachwear for women is designed for sexiness.

The only set of organs that are different in men and women are the reproductive organs, which have a very specific, limited purpose. However, these organs define the entirety of women's identities- they define how women are perceived, and how women perceive themselves. Many women have internalised society's message of prioritising sexiness over comfort. Women's bodies are sexualised much, much more than men's. Beachwear has no innate connection with sex, but given the overwhelming association of women's clothing with sexuality and sexiness, every item of women's clothing is made more sexy than it needs to be. This includes beachwear. In most societies, men are seen as individuals, as autonomous human beings; sexuality is only a small part of men's identities. For women, sexuality is three-fourths of their identity. Women and men have similar life experiences- we have the same bodily functions...most societies treat women as mere sexual ornaments, while men are treated as whole human beings. I have never worn a bikini, but I imagine it's not particularly comfortable while you are wading into the water, or walking on the beach. Bikini-clad women are supremely conscious of the tiniest physical flaw that bikinis magnify- it quite defeats the purpose of relaxing on the beach.

While men wear modest, comfy shorts to cover their male parts, it has been made

the norm for women to wear skimpy, crude clothing that barely covers their nakedness

An image of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg with his wife Priscilla Chan out surfing.

In fact, it is not just about swimwear, but we see sexualization in other types of female clothing as well; such as evening wear. While men appear in classy, well-covered outfits, we see skimpy evening wear being designed for women that is highly inappropriate and degrading.

Evening gowns on the red carpet, while men appear in classy, well-covered outfits

In Hollywood, we see a trend for female celebrities to exhibit nakedness as much as possible in functions and when performing on-stage.

This goes to show that girls need better role models to look up to, and better fashion trends that do not contribute to this sad situation where women are sexualized and objectified without them even realizing it.

The Emma Watson "Vanity Fair" Scandal & Sexual Objectification in the Entertainment Industry

So over the past week, the internet has been buzzing with news of Emma Watson posing almost naked on the Vanity Fair magazine.

While a lot of people find this photo at odds with her feminist message, those who say that it is all fine still call her a hypocrite for criticizing Beyonce for doing the same thing a few years ago.

Emma Watson's move is questionable on so many levels.

She calls herself a feminist and she speaks of how women should not be sexualized in society. Yet, she sexualizes herself on a magazine to sell her new movie; which incidentally, is Beauty and the Beast, a beautiful Disney movie with a heroine loved by children. This makes it all the more inappropriate.

As if this far-from-classy, half-naked picture is not bad enough, she defends herself in far-from-classy language as well: "I really don't know what my t*ts have to do with it". She goes on to say that people are accusing her of not being feminist for having "boobs", and surprisingly does not seem to realize that the fuss was not about her having breasts, but her choosing to bare them on magazine covers while claiming to be a feminist.

A popular image uploaded on Facebook about what feminism really is.

There are a number of people who defend it saying that women should be able to wear whatever they want and that includes choosing to be naked. It is surprising that people do not seem to realize that while wearing what we want is everyone's freedom, if we appear half-naked while doing so, it is a matter of public indecency. Legit questions to ask would be: why do these people consider Emma Watson being half-naked classy, while a stripper or a prostitute being half-naked as sleazy? Would they consider it "feminism" if their daughter goes out wearing what Emma is wearing for this photo? Or would they view it kindly if their sons are in possession of magazines with women posing half-naked on the cover? Is it respectful to women, while companies are making money out of portraying women that way? What about smaller children, who look up to Emma Watson, seeing this picture of "feminism" and "embracing sexuality"? What does "embracing sexuality" even mean?  Is it not being done a tad too much in this pornified society where women are sexualized everywhere? Maybe we should be focusing less on sex, and more on dignity? Modesty is something all humans must have and it is certainly confusing how some young people do not have it anymore, as demonstrated by Emma Watson, who has no qualms about exhibiting her nakedness for the world to see on magazine covers. It shows a lack of respect for all women whom she claims to stand for, as well as showing no self-respect. Can Emma not have posed for an artsy photo with dignity while being clothed like a decent, civilized human being? And is that not the message that Emma should be giving out as a feminist? That women are people with brains and personalities rather than sexual objects?

There are some who have highlighted the fact that Emma is a "young actress", as if that somehow makes her better than other women, who would be seen as "skanky" if they appear scantily-dressed and exhibit nakedness in public. Has it come to the point that being a "young actress" means lacking modesty and selling nakedness for photos and videos? Have there not been strong, respected women who have done much for the world and gone through their careers without posing for racy photos? If Emma can choose to be whatever she wants to be, why would she choose to be sexualized by the media in a world that has a huge problem of female sexualization? Perhaps it is time these celebrities stopped adopting half-naked Neanderthal fashion, and opted for civilized fashion that covers one's modesty and is suitable for the 21st century.

Emma Watson has built an image for herself as a strong and intelligent woman, amassing very young fans around the world. What kind of message is she giving out to people, especially children, by this photo, and her defending it when criticized (and in such crude language at that)?

And as if this alone is not hypocritical enough, there is the other hypocrisy that everyone is discussing about this incident. Emma previously criticized Beyonce for sexualizing herself and how that is not feminist. And now she does what she herself highlighted as questionable. People have also discussed how it is a matter of racism since a black woman appearing in provocative clothing is bad but a white woman doing it is "elegant".

Emma condemns her critics more by saying: "Feminism is not a stick with which to beat other women with". In other words, as long as one is a woman, one can do anything and others criticizing you would be seen as an anti-feminist attack.

It is worrisome how those who claim to stand up for feminism and have a massive global following, have double standards and are normalizing sex and female objectification. It is also disturbing how those deemed to be of substance are also hopping on to the pornification bandwagon; not to mention, truly sad that yet another sweet child star has been corrupted into sexualizing herself on magazines, deluded into thinking that is female empowerment. And finally, it is disheartening to see how many people actually do not find anything wrong with it, and even use feminism to defend it.

Emma is but one of many young women, celebrities and not, who objectify themselves in public believing it to be female empowerment, driven by, in varying degrees, the need for attention and popularity. The following video makes fun of this trend in a humorous but brutally honest way:

How to Get Instagram Famous - Ultra Spiritual Life episode 122

Many child stars start sexualizing themselves for money as they grow older; examples being Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan. This brings to mind a rather disturbing article on alleged sexual abuse of child actors in Hollywood. Children, especially those going into stardom are exposed to sex and pressured to sexualize themselves in racy photos and videos from a very young age. Many female celebrities often find themselves pressured to do this for money and fame. It goes to show that these are manifestations of a sick society that needs massive rehabilitation. The questionable "feminism" being promoted by self-proclaimed "feminists" is not helping.

Pornification in Society

Nowadays, with the advent of the internet, porn has become accessible to everyone with a digital device and internet connection. Riding the wave of rapid pornification, businesses make use of sexual objectification to advertise all kinds of products, and the porn industry has become a widespread menace, exploiting people and even children. Children are exposed to porn and perversion at a young age, and often become desensitized or addicted. Even other aspects of the entertainment industry have been affected where women are objectified and sexualized—examples being scantily-dressed women with huge chests in video games and anime (in anime, these grossly perverted depictions of women and perverted scenes are referred to as "fan service", and whole genres of implied porn and actual porn known as "hentai" have cropped up).

Porn has entered the mainstream as well, through such shows as Game of Thrones—where porn is glorified and used to gain viewers with shock value, all under the pretext of artistry (it is impossible to differentiate between "artistic" scenes taken from this show and what is classified as porn).
We see a satirical take on this absurdity in this video:

Franchises with no substance such as Fifty Shades of Grey have also popped up, glorifying BDSM and feeding off of people's lust like gladiatorial combat of old which brought out people's other inner demons of violence and blood lust. And as if the tradition of showcasing women based on their bodies in so-called beauty pageants wasn't bad enough, women are made to feel more self-conscious than ever with new fads like "bikini bodies" with swimsuits being designed skimpier and skimpier, while men sport T-shirts and shorts on beaches.

This state of affairs is bad but it's rapidly getting worse with more far-reaching effects. Restrictions and prohibition on porn is lax, same as how it is when it comes to prostitution and brothels, and the anti-porn movement is just starting out (check out "Porn Harms" page on Facebook). The more the porn industry and its related businesses grow, the more it becomes harder to stop; the situation we now see with the meat industry which has become one of the wealthiest and most powerful industries on the planet with vast financial resources and political power, so much so that it can influence and dictate laws.

Children and teens start watching porn and having sex because of peer pressure and it changes them forever, with very bad consequences on all aspects of their lives. Superficial and failed relationships, teen pregnancies, abortions, unwanted children, overpopulation, rape and more problems are rampant. Sometimes, young children display perverted behavior as a result of exposure to pornified media and sex. An example of this is a post on the MedHelp community by a mother who has witnessed sexual behavior between her 7-year-old daughter and 8-year-old nephew, excerpts of which are below:

...after discussion I had learned that my nephew had been touched by his older brother and a friend before he came to live with us. He had also mentioned that he has watched movies with sexual scenes in it before he moved with us as well. 

There may have been a time where she [daughter] has seen something on the television...for example, she would be sleeping in her room while my husband and I would be watching a movie where there happens to be a sex scene and she just so happened to walk into the living room to ask for something and seen the TV... 

...the one time I had caught her [daughter] humping a pillow and I had asked her where she learned that from and she said me and my husband. Please understand that she has a tendency to walk into my room half asleep to crawl into bed with us. She had probably tried to do this but we were obviously in the middle of something [sex].

Talking to people about their perceptions of both porn and sex when they were first introduced to these, I have come to see a pattern—they initially viewed them with disgust before becoming desensitized, one even reporting how he vomited upon seeing porn for the first time. These practices eventually become a part of their lives because both porn and sex are addictive, and they struggle in later years, unable to control it. There is even therapy for bad cases. On NoFap on Reddit, we can see how hard young people are trying to quit watching porn the same way smokers try to quit smoking. In this The Guardian article titled Life without sex – it's better than you think, the author writes, "arguably, sex is an addiction. Break the cycle and, over time, the physical and psychological "need" for sex lessens – you can do without it, hard as that may be to believe."

There are many people who want to speak up against porn and are disinterested in or disgusted by sex but they have no voice in this society, and mainstream media does not often bring out these stories because they would much rather jump on the pornification bandwagon to please the majority of the audience and gain popularity. Also, people are afraid to express views which are contrary to the social norms or what is regarded as "cool" by their peers—not to mention, society suppresses them by deeming such views to be abnormal; for example, a negative view of sex is regarded like a disease that needs to be treated. Go through this The Guardian article, "Why have young people in Japan stopped having sex" and what asexual people have to say: "15 Confessions Reveal What It's Like To Date While Asexual".

As for me, being a young person myself, I have for some reason, never been indoctrinated into things regarding sex. I retain my initial reaction to it upon discovering it as a child—disgust and incredulity that good, decent people actually behave like this.

I foresee that in the future, with society sinking into more and more corruption, people getting messed up with even more pornification of the world around them, we would have a massive crisis which would then result in the anti-porn and celibacy movement truly flourishing.

What is Veganism and what is Celibacy?

This is a rapidly advancing world, with new technologies sprouting up every year and information being shared across the globe among millions of people. When considering the state of things in the past, when there were no such things as human rights and women didn't have the power to vote, we have come a long way as well towards building a better, more peaceful world.

Yet still, we are far from perfect. And when it comes to veganism and celibacy, which seem pretty straightforward to me now that I am a celibate vegan, many people are confused and do not know what these are about, because most of us are raised in societies where the opposites are the norm.

So I will simplify these and put them in a nutshell to fit into this introductory post.

"Veganism is a way of living which seeks exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose."

To explain the definition above, it means that veganism is about nonviolence—not causing deliberate harm to others (all sentient beings, which includes humans and nonhuman animals capable of suffering)—which is the least that we can do, and what we must all strive to do when living together on this planet. The "far as is possible and practicable" refers to accidental harm that occur when we live; for example, a mouse may have been accidentally killed in the process of harvesting grain, we may run over an animal when driving, or the plant-based dish ordered at a restaurant may contain traces of animal products through cross-contamination. Sometimes, there are not even clear scenarios of black and white, and it's shades of grey, and just by living, we inadvertently cause harm, which are all covered by that phrase "as far as is possible and practicable".

Vegans therefore, boycott businesses that make profit off of animals, reject the commodity status of animals and acknowledge that animals should not be exploited for human purposes; the same way it is wrong to use human slaves.

Next, what is celibacy? Celibacy is often confused with abstinence, which is not engaging in sexual activity until marriage. Celibacy is a conscious choice to not engage in sexual activity with no such time limit. Definitions of celibacy on the web state that it may mean refraining from marriage as well—not necessarily the case. Celibacy simply means not having sex, whether it is within marriage or without.

Now if veganism is practiced by a minority at the moment though growing rapidly around the world, celibacy is even more rare, mostly practiced by priests and monks, so much so that most people associate it with them, and do not give it a second thought.

I intend to talk of all things regarding celibacy, why it's important and more, as well as draw parallels with the situation with the other "revolutionary" and "extreme" and "self-depriving" practice in the world today—veganism.