Questioning sex isn't new, but those voices aren't always heard or taken notice of in our sex-centered society.
Sex is an addiction, so much so that there is therapy for those addicted to it. Lust and sex undermine human values such as modesty and civilized behavior. Sex is in fact, impossible without compromising those values, which is why deep down, many know it is questionable. Sex is a taboo subject in societies all around the world, and people are uncomfortable and feel guilty talking about it. This is the case, in spite of people being brainwashed by culture into normalizing sex and many defending it as "beautiful", along with other justifications. The "dirtiest" words in any language actually mean sex and the strongest insults in any language suggest the person being insulted engaging in sexual activity. Sexual thoughts are called "dirty thoughts". Not engaging in sex or having sexual thoughts is called being "pure", which implies that sex is impure. Many people do not want to dwell on the idea that their parents or children have sex. In the bestselling novel, The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, Soraya's father never asks about possible grandchildren because he cannot bear to think of her engaging in sexual activity even after she is married and thereby, would do so in a culturally accepted way:
The general, ever the Pashtun, never made any queries [about grandchildren]--doing so meant alluding to a sexual act between his daughter and a man, even if the man in question had been married to her for over four years.
...if The Hussy enjoyed the animalism of sexual congress, with its gruntings and thrustings and that final
squirt of sticky stuff that smelled faintly like codfish and looked like cheap dish detergent, then it only
proved The Hussy was little more than an animal herself.
This brings to mind Rabbi Yehuda Koves in Dan Brown's novel, Origin, who muses about the animalism of people:
Koves always found it ironic that humans, despite being God's most sublime creation, were still just animals at the core, their behavior driven to a great extent by a quest for creature comforts...Koves spent much of his time counseling those who overindulged in the animal temptations of the body—primarily food and sex.
Just as social/legal restrictions and controversy surround meat-eating, differing according to culture and heavily debated on (eating dogs is wrong in Western societies while it is accepted in some Eastern cultures, while eating cows is accepted in Western societies when it is unacceptable in Indian societies), the same situation exists for sex. These do not just vary by culture, but also by individuals. Some people consider premarital sex wrong while others are fine with it, some condemn gay sex while others embrace it. Very few people bother to delve into the root of the fuss, the paradoxes and the problems ensuing from these practices: that these behaviors are intrinsically inappropriate for civilized, moralizing beings, and that they are contradictory to our inherent human values of modesty, civilized behavior, goodness and virtue. In the case of sex, its controversies, and the problems it causes (superficial relationships obsessing on sex, addiction, overpopulation, violent crime and more) all have a root culprit: lust. Many religions and philosophies actually highlight lust as a vice, which is why spiritual people embrace celibacy, and it is strictly enforced among priests and monks.
People inherently view those who are chaste as sweet, innocent and virtuous, while those who are promiscuous are seen as those with loose morals. Sex has long since been associated with violence and corruption, just as eating meat and animal products is associated with obesity and unhealthiness (though paradoxically, both are still being normalized in society). In fact, lust is a negative, damaging force, similar to anger, hate and aggression; hence, the association with violence. As mentioned in the article "Understanding the Suicide Bomber" by Noam Shpancer Ph.D. on Psychology Today:
As the British philosopher Jonathan Glover has noted, our species' fascination and preoccupation with inflicting brutality on itself, the sheer innovative effort dedicated to the task, and the visceral thrill of it are akin in their intensity to the human preoccupation with sex.
In Season 3 of the mainstream TV show, Supernatural, Dean and Sam discover that a girl they met, Nancy, is virgin and voluntarily celibate, which makes Dean describe her as a "nice, sweet innocent girl who hasn't even been laid!". In the book, A Case of Need by Michael Crichton, the following exchange takes place about a college girl who has gotten pregnant and seeking an abortion:
Dr. Randall:
My daughter is a wonderful girl. She is sweet and
beautiful. She doesn't have a malicious or dirty
thought in her head...
Dr. Berry:
If she was so sweet and pure, how did she get pregnant?
In Dan Brown's book, Angels & Demons (spoiler alert), the Pope falls in love with a nun and has a child with her via insemination so that he never breaks his vows of celibacy. His deeply pious child, learning that the Pope has fathered a child in secret, is horrified, thinking that the Pope has had sex and thereby, sinned. He murders the Pope only to learn later of the platonic love between his parents:
"But he fathered a child! He broke his sacred vow of celibacy!” The camerlegno was screaming now...“The Pope broke his vow!”
Mortati looked delirious with angst. “Carlo, his love… was chaste. He had broken no vow. He didn’t
explain it to you?”...Slowly, sadly, Mortati let the tale unfold.
Many years ago, the Pope, when he was still just a priest,
had fallen in love with a young nun. Both of them had taken vows of celibacy and never even
considered breaking their covenant with God. Still, as they fell deeper in love, although they could
resist the temptations of the flesh, they both found themselves longing for something they never
expected—to participate in God’s ultimate miracle of creation—a child. Their child. The yearning,
especially in her, became overwhelming. Still, God came first. A year later, when the frustration had
reached almost unbearable proportions, she came to him in a whirl of excitement. She had just read an
article about a new miracle of science—a process by which two people, without ever having sexual
relations, could have a child. She sensed this was a sign from God. The priest could see the happiness
in her eyes and agreed. A year later she had a child through the miracle of artificial insemination…
Mortati now had tears in his eyes. “Carlo, this is why His Holiness has always had an affection for
the sciences. He felt he owed a debt to science. Science let him experience the joys of fatherhood
without breaking his vow of celibacy. His Holiness told me he had no regrets except one—that his
advancing stature in the church prohibited him from being with the woman he loved and seeing his
infant grow up.”
“The Pope committed no sin, Carlo. He was chaste.”
When I became aware of my "inclination", as they called it back then, I was despondent; I was unsure how to proceed with my own life. A nun saved me. She showed me that the Bible celebrates all kinds of love, with one caveat—the love must be spiritual and not carnal. And so, by taking a vow of celibacy, I was able to love your father deeply while remaining pure in the eyes of my God. Our love was entirely platonic, and yet deeply fulfilling.
It is notable that this excerpt talks of platonic love enabling one to remain pure in the eyes of God which points to the idea that sex makes one impure. The last line here alludes to the common perception in society that it is sex that makes a relationship "fulfilling" when love should be the most important element in a relationship (more on that further down).
In the Japanese manga/anime series, Naruto, a young child named Sarada asks her mother Sakura about kissing her father, Sasuke. The Naruto wiki describes the incident as follows:
Out of curiosity, Sarada then asked Sakura if she and Sasuke had ever kissed. Blushing, Sakura giggles, and states that Sarada made her remember something even better than a kiss. Misunderstanding it as something else Sarada calls her mother 'dirty'. When asked again by Sarada what was better than a kiss, Sakura softly pokes Sarada's forehead, and promises
she'll tell her "next time."
By "something better than a kiss", Sakura actually refers to a gesture of affection unique to her husband; poking the forehead playfully. Sarada, who has only been with her father as a toddler, does not know this (she experiences it herself later in the story when she meets him) and thinks her mother is referring to a sexual act, which prompts her to call Sakura "dirty". It is noteworthy that young Sarada does not consider a kiss "dirty". Also, the fact that her parents are married is irrelevant to her when she deemed sex as "dirty".
Time released an article on how people overcome the disgusting nature of sex :
If you think about it, sex is actually sort of disgusting, what with all the sweat, saliva, fluids and smells. So much so that a group of researchers from the Netherlands got to thinking, How do people enjoy sex at all? According to their small new study, people — at least women — may be able to get over the “ick” factor associated with sex by getting turned on. Sexual arousal overrides the natural disgust response, the researchers found, and allows women to willingly engage in behaviors that they might normally find repugnant.
It would be blasphemy to even dwell on the idea of Virgin Mary or Jesus Christ not being virgin. If sex was good and beautiful, why indeed this contradiction?
These are the ones who have not been defiled with women,
for they have kept themselves chaste
for they have kept themselves chaste
These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes
-Revelation 14:4
The meaning of the Bible verse above in basic English: these are they who have not made themselves unclean with women; for they are virgins. These are they who go after the Lamb wherever he goes. In fact, in the Bible, Eden was a vegan, celibate paradise devoid of violence and lust. Lust is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. In Buddhism, raga (lust), along with dvesha (hate) and moha (delusion), are the three poisons or unwholesome roots (Sanskrit: akuśala-mūla). Through meditation and developing one's mind, all Buddhists are encouraged to overcome these "poisons". The following verse can be found in the Dhammapada (collection of sayings of the Buddha in verse form and one of the most widely read and best known Buddhist scriptures):
There is no fire like lust, no grip like hate,
There is no net like delusion, no river like craving.
Buddhist monks meditating
For Buddhist monks, sexual activity is an unforgivable transgression, and if found to engage in it, must stop being a monk, give up the robe and leave the temple/monastery. Even in Hindu and Jain monastic traditions, brahmacharya, or celibacy, is mandatory and considered necessary for a monk's spiritual practice.
People attempt to pass off sex as love and it is made to seem synonymous with romance, when lust is a whole different element. Lust is a primeval instinct to make people engage in an activity for the purpose of reproduction that they would otherwise consider pointless and disgusting (nowadays, in most cases, sex has lost its purpose altogether and has become a tool for mindless pleasure-seeking). Sex is so normalized as an essential part of life that people fail to realize that there are civilized ways to deposit sperm in a uterus without an animalistic carnal ritual of rubbing private parts in the nude. Procreation is used as an excuse to support sexual activity when people engage in it just for pleasure; the same as how "survival" is used as an excuse for meat-eating when it is in fact also done for pleasure.
This is extracted from The Asexual Visibility & Education Network about impregnation without resorting to sex.
This is an excerpt from Mask of Celibacy by Carolyn Hill, which is about an asexual heteroromantic character.
Unlike lust, love stems from caring and giving, and develops through emotional, psychological and intellectual bonding with a person. Children are protected from seeing or knowing about sex, which is why children's books and movies do not contain it, while love and romance are celebrated in children's fairy tales. It is surprising that people do not seem to realize that love and romance can exist without sex, and this is called "platonic love".
Plato defined "Vulgar Eros" or earthly love and "Divine Eros" or divine love. Vulgar Eros is nothing but mere material attraction towards a beautiful body for physical pleasure and reproduction, while Divine Eros is what came to be known today as "platonic love". One of the most prominent newspapers in the island country of Sri Lanka published an interesting article on platonic love in 2010, an excerpt from which is indicated below:
In the second installment of the Kingkiller Chronicle: The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss, the protagonist comes across a culture with a distinct ideology about sex which has normalized it to the point where everyone is openly promiscuous and engage in casual sex, even teachers with their students. Learning about this, the protagonist asks the following and receives his answer:
The above demonstrates that both parties in this conversation have made a distinction between love, romance and lust.
The greatest classical love poems ever written, The White Rose by John Boyle O'Reilly (1844 - 1890), draws a contrast between love and lust, and highlights the importance of love which is symbolized by the white rose:
The pristine white rose standing for purity and love, is the traditional wedding flower, and also the flower of romance in days of old before being replaced with the ubiquitous red. Virgin Mary is in fact, known as the White Rose.
Yet, many relationships function with a "sex life" (it is important to note that we do not speak of "kiss life" or "hug life", but a whole "life" revolving around this one act) and if this one act is out of the equation or not performed adequately, it is enough to abandon a person; in which case, sex is the determinant of someone's worth, over their personality, love and companionship, and it is the core of the relationship rather than love. In fact, the height of the relationship is regarded as not love, but sex: "taking the relationship to the next level", "consummation" (the definition of "consummate" is to make marriage "complete" with sex, as if without this one act, it is incomplete) etc. Lust is thereby a threat to meaningful relationships.
In fact, after carnism, society's obsession with sex is the next greatest root cause of problems in the world, one of the most damaging being overpopulation. People cannot control themselves and fall victim to unsustainable reproduction; if animals did this, our current governments will have "culling" programs for them. In fact, despite the availability of highly effective contraceptives, about half of pregnancies in the US for one, are unintended. Disease runs rampant, such as AIDS and other STDs. Sex-related crime and violence plague society; from rape (250,000 reported rapes per year according to the UN when rape is also a severely under-reported crime) and harassment to sex trafficking and murder. Unwanted children born to poverty or abandoned are the waste products of prostitution and lust, while other babies die in abortions. Billions of dollars of funds are spent on birth control for an unnecessary act of sensual gratification people are addicted to, which could otherwise be used for our progress as humankind and address pressing survival needs of people such as nutrition, healthcare, sanitation, homes, infrastructure and more. Birth control even causes environmental damage. Yet birth control is something that keeps society from spiraling even more out of control.
The contraceptive industry is booming, using up resources to sell products for people to engage in this mindless activity, while some even consider abortion to be a birth control method. Some people cannot comprehend living without sex to the point that they do not want to take responsibility for resulting pregnancies: as if those are accidents the same as slipping and falling while walking, rather than a consequence of a voluntary act of pleasure. Some individuals in this sex-obsessed world consider sex to be as essential to our lives as food and water, which may be why they cannot "give up" sex but can give up loving partners if they do not provide a good "sex life". No one however, addresses the root of the problem or takes measures to stop the glorification of sex in media, to show people life without sex is possible, to bring down the porn industry feeding people's perverse addictions or to encourage celibacy. Porn is messing up young generations with children getting exposed to it at young ages, while porn/sex addictions can ruin a person's entire life. Sexual objectification and harassment, especially of women, are also pressing problems where the root cause is lust and sex-obsession.
When it comes to children, who are yet to be brainwashed by society, there is the "birds and the bees" tradition in Western societies, which is basically, parents telling their children about sex for the first time. Many parents dread it and during this talk, they find themselves feeling guilty, embarrassed and flustered. Children too, react with shock and disgust, except for children who have been exposed to sex and porn at a young age. In some societies, parents do not tell their children about sex at all and leave them to find out for themselves. This goes to show further that the moralizing beings living in civilization that we are, we intrinsically perceive sex as wrong and disgusting. When it comes to meat-eating (carnism), children are indoctrinated to it from infancy and kept protected from the ugly reality of slaughtering animals until they disconnect the horror from the meat on their plate. With sex, children are protected from it until they are indoctrinated through the "birds and the bees" talk or until exposed to the pornification of society. The popular actress, Amanda Seyfried, has said the following in an interview regarding her role in the movie, Lovelace, in which she went nude and enacted sex scenes:
Sometimes, children display perverted behavior as a result of exposure to pornified media and sex. An example of this is a post on the MedHelp community by a mother who has witnessed sexual behavior between her 7-year-old daughter and 8-year-old nephew, excerpts of which are below:
In this pornified world, incidents like the above are scarily frequent, and could have been avoided if people were less obsessed with sex and behaved more like civilized beings. Not only do parents in today's society act like confused hypocrites and give children a contradictory message regarding carnism; that it's wrong to hurt animals but OK to eat them, they also act similarly with sex; that sex is wrong and OK at the same time (sometimes it is the fine line that is a marriage certificate, or in other words, a piece of paper, that is supposed to separate one from the other). One minute, parents reprimand a child for simply watching sex on a screen while the next, they are enacting it secretly in the bedroom. Some are so scared of their children being exposed to sex that dating in general and even romantic gestures are frowned on, which is common in many conservative societies; on a forum discussing this, one comment says, "the whole notion of "honor" has little meaning if people do dishonorable things when in secret". Amidst these ironies and hypocrisies, one is led to wonder when the day comes when parents act less like flustered double-faced closet perverts in front of their children, and actually look them in the eye, be honest and act as an example for them with no ugliness to hide; by walking the peace, love and purity talk.
So sex and lust do not just cause obvious problems in society such as overpopulation and rape; a fact further conveyed by an article published by BBC News, which brought out the fact that one out of ten women in the UK find sex painful. Globally, that would mean hundreds of millions of women who suffer while undergoing what would be seen as consensual sex as opposed to rape. The article discusses how there are many physiological and psychological factors contributing to women finding sex painful or not wanting it, and it is as if either way, it cannot be allowed and has to be fixed at all costs so that the whole population goes on having sex, which is the predictable message one can expect of a mainstream media outlet catering to today's sex-crazed society. In fact, the article does not even consider that not having sex is an option, and it makes out one's choice to not engage in sex as an abnormality that has to be treated. It's almost as if sex is required by law and we all have to "treat" ourselves and conform. BBC News has shared this article on their Facebook page, and the comments there reveal something more: many women do not want to admit that sex is painful or that they don't want it since they cannot even comprehend the possibility of a relationship without sex and deeply fear rejection.
Comments on the BBC News article on how one out of ten women find sex painful
The comments on the article that was shared on the BBC News Facebook page, a sample of which is displayed above, bring to light a disturbing situation of people being forced to have sex; not outright rape, but subtle coercion. A partner's worth is measured in their ability to have sex, so that instead of love, lust is the decisive core of the relationship. Many people, especially women, find themselves in a position where they are taken advantage of sexually or suffering silently due to being pressured into performing sexual acts, even within what may be seen as happy relationships or marriages. A large number of abstinent people go through pressure to have sex when that is a matter of waiting till marriage. Asexual people can hardly think of being in a relationship because of society's obsession with sex. Some asexuals who are in relationships are also afraid to admit they don't want sex and are often pressured into engaging in it to please their partners. Lust is a huge cause of superficial, unhealthy and broken relationships. However, there are small groups of people who are not afraid to speak up about what is wrong with sex; which can be seen in the comments on the BBC News article as well. These people are hidden in society since mainstream media glorifies sex, uses it to make money and portrays sex as a given, while the culturally conditioned public attempts to silence those who speak up by calling them crazy or "extreme" just for questioning a social norm. In fact, there is a vocal vegan celibate group on Facebook, as well as an Internet radio show/podcast series called Celibate Vegan Voices, which is run by two celibate vegans, Monique Lukens and Chandler Klebs. The show is dedicated to educating the public about the ethics and benefits of a celibate and vegan life.
In the Facebook group, Celibacy, which has almost 5000 members, people share their stories and support each other on their celibate journey; one post says the following:
On the same group, the following are the responses to a post asking what the reasons are for choosing celibacy. It is noteworthy that most of the celibates here happen to be vegans as well.
Another celibate vegan speaking up on Youtube in this video titled, How Systematic Celibacy and A Raw Vegan Lifestyle Saved Me:
As with the many excuses presented when people confront veganism, we can see a similar response when people confront the idea of celibacy. Hence, the Celibate Sidekick page on Facebook, made similar to the famous Vegan Sidekick.
For ourselves, for others, for the world, we need to cultivate purity and live celibate. To keep our minds in check, we have powerful tools such as meditation and once we get over our addiction to sex, the craving for it dissipates (just like cravings for meat). We adapt with time. The Guardian article titled, "life without sex - it's better than you think" writes:
People fail to realize that it's all about our perception and resolve. and if we break through the social ideology surrounding sex, there's a whole world out there. For those who have not been addicted to sex in the first place, living celibate is easier. The same can be said about carnism; those who have not been addicted and indoctrinated into it in the first place, living vegan is easy, because that's what they've always known and the alternative is unthinkable. Some people also consider porn to be a fact of life and that it is inevitable that young people watch it, but porn is only easily accessible now due to technological advancement and internet, and humankind once lived without porn movies. As the psychologist, Dr. Melanie Joy says, we all have both light seeds and dark seeds in us, but we just have to choose to water the light ones. Millions of people practice abstinence since it is built into whole societies in various countries around the world, and thousands and thousands of people choose to live celibate though they are hidden in society, while others choose to be monks and priests who don't just vow to live celibate but relinquish a lot of material comforts. People often take spiritual people being celibate for granted, but we need to remember that priests and monks are also humans like us, and they voluntarily choose to live that way when they could very well choose otherwise. People often look at young people as sex-crazed, pleasure-seeking creatures who can never be convinced to live celibate or make responsible choices. Yet, a majority of people who have gone vegan and heading the vegan movement are young people, and there are many young people who choose to live celibate or even become priests and monks right after high school or college when they could have lived on in all the material comforts in the world and worked for a successful career.
In some cultures where abstinence is the accepted way of life, a lot of people who do not get married are celibate for life; in other words, they are virgins. If so many can make choices like that in a world like this, so can we all live with morality and decency.
That is the least we can do and we have so much strength and potential in us to make it happen. A lot of us live privileged lives and when we have so much to be happy about, why chase after harmful addictions such as smoking, meat and sex? Living vegan and celibate does not mean self-deprivation, but living a joyful fulfilling life, following our dreams, being with loved ones, listening to our favorite music while not compromising our core values of goodness, decency and kindness.
We need to connect with those values and learn to respect ourselves, as well as others by not behaving like wild animals, and not engaging in acts that are unnecessary and highly inappropriate for civilized, moralizing beings. We will then have long-lasting, meaningful relationships, live with integrity and create a better world for the future.
The top definition of "platonic love" on Urban Dictionary.
Plato defined "Vulgar Eros" or earthly love and "Divine Eros" or divine love. Vulgar Eros is nothing but mere material attraction towards a beautiful body for physical pleasure and reproduction, while Divine Eros is what came to be known today as "platonic love". One of the most prominent newspapers in the island country of Sri Lanka published an interesting article on platonic love in 2010, an excerpt from which is indicated below:
Can we draw a line between love and sex? Here's some food for thought. Some time ago, when reading was a regular pastime, the chief clerk of a government department went to buy a book for his teenage daughter's birthday. After browsing through many books, he finally decided to buy a particular book. When the salesman approached him, the customer asked him timidly, "No sex in it, I hope". He bought the book only when the salesman replied, "No Sir, it's a love story." According to this episode, love is different from sex.
In the second installment of the Kingkiller Chronicle: The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss, the protagonist comes across a culture with a distinct ideology about sex which has normalized it to the point where everyone is openly promiscuous and engage in casual sex, even teachers with their students. Learning about this, the protagonist asks the following and receives his answer:
"But what of romance then?" I asked, slightly indignant. "What of love?"
"...There is a great deal of difference between a penis and a heart."
The above demonstrates that both parties in this conversation have made a distinction between love, romance and lust.
The greatest classical love poems ever written, The White Rose by John Boyle O'Reilly (1844 - 1890), draws a contrast between love and lust, and highlights the importance of love which is symbolized by the white rose:
The red rose whispers of passion,
And the white rose breathes of love;
O, the red rose is a falcon,
And the white rose is a dove.
The pristine white rose standing for purity and love, is the traditional wedding flower, and also the flower of romance in days of old before being replaced with the ubiquitous red. Virgin Mary is in fact, known as the White Rose.
The "White Rose", Virgin Mary
Yet, many relationships function with a "sex life" (it is important to note that we do not speak of "kiss life" or "hug life", but a whole "life" revolving around this one act) and if this one act is out of the equation or not performed adequately, it is enough to abandon a person; in which case, sex is the determinant of someone's worth, over their personality, love and companionship, and it is the core of the relationship rather than love. In fact, the height of the relationship is regarded as not love, but sex: "taking the relationship to the next level", "consummation" (the definition of "consummate" is to make marriage "complete" with sex, as if without this one act, it is incomplete) etc. Lust is thereby a threat to meaningful relationships.
In fact, after carnism, society's obsession with sex is the next greatest root cause of problems in the world, one of the most damaging being overpopulation. People cannot control themselves and fall victim to unsustainable reproduction; if animals did this, our current governments will have "culling" programs for them. In fact, despite the availability of highly effective contraceptives, about half of pregnancies in the US for one, are unintended. Disease runs rampant, such as AIDS and other STDs. Sex-related crime and violence plague society; from rape (250,000 reported rapes per year according to the UN when rape is also a severely under-reported crime) and harassment to sex trafficking and murder. Unwanted children born to poverty or abandoned are the waste products of prostitution and lust, while other babies die in abortions. Billions of dollars of funds are spent on birth control for an unnecessary act of sensual gratification people are addicted to, which could otherwise be used for our progress as humankind and address pressing survival needs of people such as nutrition, healthcare, sanitation, homes, infrastructure and more. Birth control even causes environmental damage. Yet birth control is something that keeps society from spiraling even more out of control.
The hedonistic abandon and lustful corruption depicted on the center panel of
The Garden of Earthly Delights by Hieronymus Bosch
(The last panel of the full painting displays the result of this behavior: death and destruction)
The Garden of Earthly Delights by Hieronymus Bosch
(The last panel of the full painting displays the result of this behavior: death and destruction)
When it comes to children, who are yet to be brainwashed by society, there is the "birds and the bees" tradition in Western societies, which is basically, parents telling their children about sex for the first time. Many parents dread it and during this talk, they find themselves feeling guilty, embarrassed and flustered. Children too, react with shock and disgust, except for children who have been exposed to sex and porn at a young age. In some societies, parents do not tell their children about sex at all and leave them to find out for themselves. This goes to show further that the moralizing beings living in civilization that we are, we intrinsically perceive sex as wrong and disgusting. When it comes to meat-eating (carnism), children are indoctrinated to it from infancy and kept protected from the ugly reality of slaughtering animals until they disconnect the horror from the meat on their plate. With sex, children are protected from it until they are indoctrinated through the "birds and the bees" talk or until exposed to the pornification of society. The popular actress, Amanda Seyfried, has said the following in an interview regarding her role in the movie, Lovelace, in which she went nude and enacted sex scenes:
To be honest, when I was younger, I was terrified of sex. I don’t know what happened over the years.
Sometimes, children display perverted behavior as a result of exposure to pornified media and sex. An example of this is a post on the MedHelp community by a mother who has witnessed sexual behavior between her 7-year-old daughter and 8-year-old nephew, excerpts of which are below:
...after discussion I had learned that my nephew had been touched by his older brother and a friend before he came to live with us. He had also mentioned that he has watched movies with sexual scenes in it before he moved with us as well.
There may have been a time where she [daughter] has seen something on the television...for example, she would be sleeping in her room while my husband and I would be watching a movie where there happens to be a sex scene and she just so happened to walk into the living room to ask for something and seen the TV...
...the one time I had caught her [daughter] humping a pillow and I had asked her where she learned that from and she said me and my husband. Please understand that she has a tendency to walk into my room half asleep to crawl into bed with us. She had probably tried to do this but we were obviously in the middle of something [sex].
In this pornified world, incidents like the above are scarily frequent, and could have been avoided if people were less obsessed with sex and behaved more like civilized beings. Not only do parents in today's society act like confused hypocrites and give children a contradictory message regarding carnism; that it's wrong to hurt animals but OK to eat them, they also act similarly with sex; that sex is wrong and OK at the same time (sometimes it is the fine line that is a marriage certificate, or in other words, a piece of paper, that is supposed to separate one from the other). One minute, parents reprimand a child for simply watching sex on a screen while the next, they are enacting it secretly in the bedroom. Some are so scared of their children being exposed to sex that dating in general and even romantic gestures are frowned on, which is common in many conservative societies; on a forum discussing this, one comment says, "the whole notion of "honor" has little meaning if people do dishonorable things when in secret". Amidst these ironies and hypocrisies, one is led to wonder when the day comes when parents act less like flustered double-faced closet perverts in front of their children, and actually look them in the eye, be honest and act as an example for them with no ugliness to hide; by walking the peace, love and purity talk.
So sex and lust do not just cause obvious problems in society such as overpopulation and rape; a fact further conveyed by an article published by BBC News, which brought out the fact that one out of ten women in the UK find sex painful. Globally, that would mean hundreds of millions of women who suffer while undergoing what would be seen as consensual sex as opposed to rape. The article discusses how there are many physiological and psychological factors contributing to women finding sex painful or not wanting it, and it is as if either way, it cannot be allowed and has to be fixed at all costs so that the whole population goes on having sex, which is the predictable message one can expect of a mainstream media outlet catering to today's sex-crazed society. In fact, the article does not even consider that not having sex is an option, and it makes out one's choice to not engage in sex as an abnormality that has to be treated. It's almost as if sex is required by law and we all have to "treat" ourselves and conform. BBC News has shared this article on their Facebook page, and the comments there reveal something more: many women do not want to admit that sex is painful or that they don't want it since they cannot even comprehend the possibility of a relationship without sex and deeply fear rejection.
The comments on the article that was shared on the BBC News Facebook page, a sample of which is displayed above, bring to light a disturbing situation of people being forced to have sex; not outright rape, but subtle coercion. A partner's worth is measured in their ability to have sex, so that instead of love, lust is the decisive core of the relationship. Many people, especially women, find themselves in a position where they are taken advantage of sexually or suffering silently due to being pressured into performing sexual acts, even within what may be seen as happy relationships or marriages. A large number of abstinent people go through pressure to have sex when that is a matter of waiting till marriage. Asexual people can hardly think of being in a relationship because of society's obsession with sex. Some asexuals who are in relationships are also afraid to admit they don't want sex and are often pressured into engaging in it to please their partners. Lust is a huge cause of superficial, unhealthy and broken relationships. However, there are small groups of people who are not afraid to speak up about what is wrong with sex; which can be seen in the comments on the BBC News article as well. These people are hidden in society since mainstream media glorifies sex, uses it to make money and portrays sex as a given, while the culturally conditioned public attempts to silence those who speak up by calling them crazy or "extreme" just for questioning a social norm. In fact, there is a vocal vegan celibate group on Facebook, as well as an Internet radio show/podcast series called Celibate Vegan Voices, which is run by two celibate vegans, Monique Lukens and Chandler Klebs. The show is dedicated to educating the public about the ethics and benefits of a celibate and vegan life.
The Internet radio show/podcast series, Celibate Vegan Voices,
by celibate vegans, Monique Lukens and Chandler Klebs
In the Facebook group, Celibacy, which has almost 5000 members, people share their stories and support each other on their celibate journey; one post says the following:
I wanted a little advice and didn't exactly know where should i turn to. So maybe this is the right place :) Anyway, few years ago i quit smoking, after that i stopped drinking and became vegan. Finally, i gave up sex as well. It was never pleasurable enough, so i was always looking for new and perverted experiences. Long story short, living without all these addictions, has been very liberating.
Responses to a post on the Facebook group, Celibacy, asking the reasons for choosing celibacy
Responses to a poll on the Facebook group, Celibacy, revealing members' religious beliefs (or lack thereof) and whether they are vegans
Another celibate vegan speaking up on Youtube in this video titled, How Systematic Celibacy and A Raw Vegan Lifestyle Saved Me:
As with the many excuses presented when people confront veganism, we can see a similar response when people confront the idea of celibacy. Hence, the Celibate Sidekick page on Facebook, made similar to the famous Vegan Sidekick.
For ourselves, for others, for the world, we need to cultivate purity and live celibate. To keep our minds in check, we have powerful tools such as meditation and once we get over our addiction to sex, the craving for it dissipates (just like cravings for meat). We adapt with time. The Guardian article titled, "life without sex - it's better than you think" writes:
Arguably, sex is an addiction. Break the cycle and, over time, the physical and psychological "need" for sex lessens – you can do without it, hard as that may be to believe. Yes, you still think about it, but over time those thoughts lose their power.
People fail to realize that it's all about our perception and resolve. and if we break through the social ideology surrounding sex, there's a whole world out there. For those who have not been addicted to sex in the first place, living celibate is easier. The same can be said about carnism; those who have not been addicted and indoctrinated into it in the first place, living vegan is easy, because that's what they've always known and the alternative is unthinkable. Some people also consider porn to be a fact of life and that it is inevitable that young people watch it, but porn is only easily accessible now due to technological advancement and internet, and humankind once lived without porn movies. As the psychologist, Dr. Melanie Joy says, we all have both light seeds and dark seeds in us, but we just have to choose to water the light ones. Millions of people practice abstinence since it is built into whole societies in various countries around the world, and thousands and thousands of people choose to live celibate though they are hidden in society, while others choose to be monks and priests who don't just vow to live celibate but relinquish a lot of material comforts. People often take spiritual people being celibate for granted, but we need to remember that priests and monks are also humans like us, and they voluntarily choose to live that way when they could very well choose otherwise. People often look at young people as sex-crazed, pleasure-seeking creatures who can never be convinced to live celibate or make responsible choices. Yet, a majority of people who have gone vegan and heading the vegan movement are young people, and there are many young people who choose to live celibate or even become priests and monks right after high school or college when they could have lived on in all the material comforts in the world and worked for a successful career.
Responses to the video on being virgin on the vegan Youtube channel, Fully Raw Kristina.
In some cultures where abstinence is the accepted way of life, a lot of people who do not get married are celibate for life; in other words, they are virgins. If so many can make choices like that in a world like this, so can we all live with morality and decency.
Wise words from the Facebook group, Celibacy.
That is the least we can do and we have so much strength and potential in us to make it happen. A lot of us live privileged lives and when we have so much to be happy about, why chase after harmful addictions such as smoking, meat and sex? Living vegan and celibate does not mean self-deprivation, but living a joyful fulfilling life, following our dreams, being with loved ones, listening to our favorite music while not compromising our core values of goodness, decency and kindness.
We need to connect with those values and learn to respect ourselves, as well as others by not behaving like wild animals, and not engaging in acts that are unnecessary and highly inappropriate for civilized, moralizing beings. We will then have long-lasting, meaningful relationships, live with integrity and create a better world for the future.
